I am so exhausted, emotionally and mentally, that it’s becoming physical as well.
At first, I didn’t like my job because it was so much all at once, so many things to learn, so little time in which to learn it.
Gradually, though, I learned and learned by doing and by trial and, admittedly, a fair bit of error. Only within the past month, after working here half a year, have I begun to feel as though I really know what I am doing.
And just like that, my short-lived spurt of insane over-confidence is gone, abruptly ended by a whole lot of startling realizations at once, and now I’m up against so many dead ends that I am completely out of things to say and can’t even sum up things well enough to make a case for myself.
Not that doing so has accomplished anything before. The attitude I’m seeing is “That’s tough, I understand, I get it, thanks for telling me, now fuck off.”
And I feel…hopeless about it. My dad told me to sue. That involves lawyers. He hates lawyers. This must be a bigger deal than even I’m seeing…!
I have been in a meeting since 7:15 about “the holiday,” which I assume is Christmas, and how important it is to sell shit yay. Meanwhile guess what?! Someone tried to do my job and failed, miserably! Now we have $4200 of MacBook Pros I have to mark down because they are scratched, badly, and one is corrupted, possibly broken! Yay! Never mind that re-certifying returns is my job, or that Macs are always always my job, and I have specific tools I MADE to make the process fast and efficient. No…people gotta be fucking know it alls. What a start to the day.
For what it’s worth, I had to think really hard about this while writing it, because to be honest, I never consider race in judging a person and never really have. Because of that, I tend to make rather blunt observations (as I do on any topic) that can, to some, come off as something else entirely. That is to say, what I may consider a reasonable and logic-based statement may to others be perceived as irrational or poorly-conceived…or in this case, racist.
I’ll make this much clear: I’m white. Not “Caucasian,” for all you geographically-challenged sheep, but “Anglo-Saxon.” Mostly Saxon. As in, from Saxony. Lower Saxony. Niedersachsen. Kirschhatten, Oldenburg, Niedersachsen, to be precise. Yes, that means German. Oh horror. I must be a white supremacist. It basically goes without saying.
If you are nodding in agreement, find the nearest window, tilt your head all the way back, and then bring it forwards in an arcing motion as quickly and forcefully as possible. If you can recognize (a mediocre attempt at) sarcasm and a touch of mild, historically-based observational humour, you may skip the above step and simply continue reading.
(tl;dr I’m not fucking racist, it’s 2013, I’m all sorts of marginalized in other ways, and all such discrimination is morally wrong, etc, but that’s a whole different dissertation)
Trigger Warning: Individuals who have experienced, or continue to experience, some form of emotional or psychological abuse, and those who are frequently targeted, bullied, or otherwise marginalized in everyday life situations on the basis of their mental and/or emotional health, employment status, or a combination of the two may find the following post, in part or whole, to be upsetting or even potentially traumatizing depending on the individual’s own circumstances and current stage of addressing such triggers. As such, and despite their potential relevancy, this post does not include tags which would cause it more exposure to individuals who may find it upsetting.
This post is purely a personal reflection and regards my own life, and is not necessarily intended to provide any form of commentary on the lives or living circumstances of any other person or persons, including those mentioned herein. No names have been disclosed in the post below.
Thank you for your understanding. I appreciate when others exhibit the sensitivity to include such disclaimers before the fact, and wish to contribute to that mindset of well-intentioned sympathy at a respectful distance that is sadly denied all too often by the mere nature of the Internet itself.
My heater has literally made my room uninhabitable. I truly had a better time in the cold, I could certainly sleep at least.
ah, memories of my freshman dorm…even though I kept my air conditioner for legitimate and well-documented medical reasons, the room was at a steady 32C and it turns out the air conditioner didn’t work at outdoor temperatures under 18C…thus making their “accommodations” utterly useless. And so, benevolent ableism rears its uncomfortably-symmetrical head once more.
Consequence - I had such an awful sleep cycle that I slept through most of my finals…and the ones I didn’t sleep through, I didn’t show up to because I was too mentally wrecked…coincidence? probably. Causation? i.e. is Dickinson’s archaic dormitory-housing model inherently responsible for my three-and-a-half year (and to an extent, still ongoing) battle with insomnia and disrupted sleep patterns, disturbed and irregular Circadian rhythm, and so on…? Possibly. Quite possibly.
I don’t know why everything makes me feel like sobbing today. Except my photos from yesterday. More on that some other time, though. :3
If my calculations are correct, I’m on track to make approximately $20,395.81 before taxes and $15,591.74 after taxes.
I’m just a bit confused as to why I pay SO MUCH in tax. I mean, I know I probably get it back and all, but why in the first place? Is it just the government reminding me how easy it is to rob their citizens blind? I don’t need any help in that department, and I REALLY don’t think my $4200 is really going to make a huge difference in our deficit.
missing my exit and winding up at the King of Prussia mall (wrong Best Buy, Jaska…)
the white 2007 MacBook nearly broken cleanly in half that is still 90% functional and, with an $8 adapter, totally usable with an external monitor.
the laptop that turns on, boots to Windows, and runs okay-ish, except what is likely a short circuit causes it to beep very, very loudly…constantly.
the computer that finished up on our remote service system and, when I investigated, still had 1106 traces/bits of malware, adware, trojans, and browser/OS hijacks on it. I found them with the quick scan feature of MBAM. *shudder* in all, 1259 malware files/registry entries/traces. That’s absurd.
a computer that needs to go to the service center because I probably broke the DC jack. It was fine when I checked it in and I’d had it plugged into the correct adapter during diagnostics, but now it’s broken. Good thing it’s under warranty.
a very dead hard drive being checked in for data backup…nope.
day two of our phone system being down. Not the store’s. Just our three lines. It’s bliss.
Can I just say that “Certified Open-Box” is a total joke?
Half the stuff that gets returned can’t be certified anyway.
That and it’s just a way to give us more busy work for no good reason.
Some laptops can’t even be certified, and there’s no way of knowing, so as a result, you run the risk of wasting hours and hours mindlessly testing every stupid little thing only to find out it gets sent to the return center and there’s nothing you can do about it. Pshh.
They say we’re losing money on desktops, but desktops can’t be certified either…
Waste of my time. So I’m not doing it. I can’t anyway. Too much other work that’s actually really important. Hmph.
At least my boss says I’m “on point.” Because let’s be honest, I am. I’ve got my shit together and I work damn hard. He knows that. He also knows we need like twice the staff we have…*sigh*
Today I realized I’m actually on really good terms / in good standing with my boss.
Of course, with all the staffing issues we have and have had, I’m practically a veteran. Okay not really. But all said, at least everyone seems to recognize that I know my stuff.
If there’s something that needs to be done, including lots of important administrative stuff, he either asks me to do it or expects that I will regardless. I guess he thinks I’m responsible enough to figure stuff out (which I am, thank you very much…)
For example: “This TV is bothering me. Get it out of here.” Yep sure thing. It’s a terrible brand and a terrible TV. Sucks that the customer didn’t have an extended service plan, not that our service center can get parts for that brand anyway…so now she just needs a new TV, which by now she has probably purchased anyway. So that means we have yet another abandoned TV on our hands.
I’d rant more but my girlfriend is more important and I’m gonna go see what I can do. :3
First of all, super suspicious of something straight-up called “Elite.” I don’t think they know what it actually means to be “elite.” I’m fucking elite. And elite privilege (which is a thing) is difficult to earn. It also happens to include not reminding other people of your eliteness (which is not a thing), especially in the context of “here let me point out everything you’re doing wrong because I know and you know I know.”
But it’s mostly about sex. Sex sex sex. I hate that. I think what most 20-somethings need to realize is that sex is indeed a thing that exists and can happen, just like tornadoes, lunar eclipses, and rabid pig stampedes.
No, that’s cool, change my job again. Thanks for paying me the same and assuring me my title will stay the same, and nice try with the “actually I’m removing responsibilities” by telling me I need to do screen replacements that take an hour at least, because I certainly never get interrupted constantly as it is, except of course for the other times I’m interrupted to be told to do something else.
The wording of this really doesn’t sit well with me.
Yes, we have a problem; at least, I do.
Autism and ASDs are only a problem if you don’t or can’t cope well. The world is not 100% cut out for autistic people, not the other way around.
By that (sound) logic, the only people to whom autism and ASDs will ever pose a problem or even a slight challenge are those who actually ARE on the spectrum!
This kind of fake sympathetic bullshit is not promoting any kind of progress whatsoever. It’s feeding an already-misinformed public even more misleading information and furthering, among other things, the belief that autism has a determinable and ultimately preventable cause.
Seriously, who is the “we” here? Unless the magnet/sticker/slogan is referring to the growing “autism awareness” movement as the “problem,” nothing about the statement or sentiment should be even remotely acceptable to the well-educated individual.
“Trying to equate criticism of a religion (whose followers, in this case, mostly happen to be nonwhite) with racism is deleterious to free speech. This sophistry cannot be allowed to stand. “Islamophobia” is nothing more than a quack pseudo-diagnosis suggesting pathological prejudice against, and fear of, a supposedly neutral subject, Islam, in the way agoraphobic folk cringe at open places or claustrophobes dread an elevator. Based on the erroneous premise that those who criticize Islam are somehow ill, the term, along with its adjective “Islamophobic,” should be banished from our lexicon as pernicious to rational thinking.”—common sense
Contrary to popular belief (read: my generally displayed attitude) I do not hate everything about my time at DIckinson. I actually really enjoyed most of it. The bad stuff just sticks out too much and I don’t think I can ever go back. That makes me very sad, really.
I realized today that I think what I miss the most is working there fixing computers. People were always so thankful and gracious to us, and what’s more, they almost always seemed impressed with my knowledge, not insulted by it.
I hate people. We get very few nice customers. The older ones are usually the easiest to deal with (because they’re old and have no reason to hurry us - they’re also usually retired and therefore don’t necessarily need the computer ASAP for work, you see) and the younger ones are consequently the worst. They want everything for free. And the majority of people we serve are either ridiculously entitled or not incredibly well off…or worse, both. But it’s fine. I get over the guilt of charging lower-income people the fee for tech support pretty quickly because it means they’ll come back in the future and not have to pay anything until their plan is up.
Let’s say you’re poor and not very tech-savvy either, but you need a laptop anyway because come on it’s 2013 and you have a job and family and bills and computers make all of that much easier. Yeah, $279 (or $160 with the purchase of a new computer) for two years is a lot, up front anyway. But that’s unlimited non-hardware repairs for two years on three computers. We do charge for labor. You save A LOT of money. It’s just hard to communicate up front.
Of course, at Dickinson, we charged nothing and I made about half as much as I do now…but somehow I feel I had more fun doing it regardless.